And then Alice woke up and Bobby was in the shower, Sue Ellen wasn’t drunk and JR cuddled puppies and painted rainbows.

My favourite Dallas (or Dynasty, Colby’s or Falcon Crest) story is of watching it with my mum (yes, it invaded British TV). My dad was in the same room, supposedly engrossed in a book. The following scene would commence…

Dad – “I thought he was dead?”

Mum – “Umm, no. That was last season.”

Dad – “Wasn’t she married to his brother last week?”

Mum – “No, that’s his aunt by his daughters boyfriends minister.”

Dad – “That’s it! I quit watching this show!”

Dad 20 minutes later – “Wasn’t she married to that other guy?”

Mum – “Shut up Tony”.

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